


The Drabblqusition

by lovingdarkness



Series: Dragon age drabble [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Lyrium Withdrawal, Secret Admirer, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-03 03:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6594979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovingdarkness/pseuds/lovingdarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just thoughts, one shots, prompts, or just whatever I felt like writing about with these nerds because yeah. So this is the Drabblequsition.</p><p>Rating will go up once I feel I want to take a crack at some smut, but for now it will only be attempts at fluff, angst and every other emotion under the sun. So yeah. Enjoy. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The secret admirer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secret admiring gone wrong... gone sexual... I'm only kidding. Just some practice fun between my oc and three of my fave Da characters. Enjoy. :)

"Commander. May I have a word with you... Alone?" She paused. Pacing once more. Rubbing the back of her neck while keeping her eyes to the floor. "Commander Rutherford..." Dorian huffed. Eyeing Anna as he watched the poor girl run lines up and down the carpet of her room. She paused, meeting the Mage's gaze. "Maybe I should leave him a note in case he's busy..." Her head shook again. She had been running plans through her head and out loud for A few hours. The evening would be fast approaching.

 

"Just go talk to the man." Dorian grinned to himself as his thoughts continued to float on by. "I bet his bite isn't as nearly as bad as his bark."

 

She bit back a snort. The man had a point. "It's not- It's not that I can't talk to him alone. I just-" Fingers playing with loose curls. She was overthinking things again and this time Dorian wanted to intervene as he had witnessed this kind of behavior from her before... She was quite the shy girl if you really took the time to notice. Also that she was introverted and didn't much care for small talk, made talking to someone alone, especially the ex-Templar from Ferelden, an extravagant sport of sorts. "I mean look at me. I- I have nothing special to wear. And- I haven't even had time to wash up. I mean what am I even talking about, I have far too much to do before the day is done. I can't- I'm being foolish." He could see the cogs locking in place. A shuddered sadness at the thought of her locking herself away, simply because she didn't see herself as someone worthy of someone else's affection. She sighed deeply. Tugging at the hem of her shirt. "I'm sorry once again for wasting your time. I'll make it up to you Pavus, I promise."

 

Dorian tried to speak but his words failed him. The look on her face as her heart admitted defeat. Far too many times did he too hold that feeling of sadness deep in his chest. "Come now, Anna. Let's go for a walk. You look like you could use the fresh air." He made sure to walk up to her and reach for her hands before she had any time to disagree, following him now in a huff of defeat.

 

* * *

 

 

The wind was cool and light. The world shining in a tin of golden amber. So pretty, sunsets have always been Anna's favorite things in life. She hardly has time to see them anymore. She was far too busy to notice where they were headed, the world outside of Skyhold was calling her name in a song from the gorgeous birds of beyond. "Right after you, my lady."

 

That was when she froze. "This is Cullen's office..."

 

"I am aware." That damn smirk, you know the one, the one where his face glowed handsomely. The smirk that held a thousand plans in one. "Right after you."

 

She took a few steps inside. A feeling of violation took hold of her. This was the commander's space, his personal space. She was an intruder, all thanks to the vint. "We shouldn't be here- what if he returns and see's us here?"

 

"Well, all the more fun for us I must say. Now, where can I find his spare quills..."

 

"Third drawer on the left."

 

His head shot up. A faint tint of red coming to her ears. "It- It's just a guess."

 

Only a tisk left his lips as his hand pulled at the drawer. "You sure that you don't already live here?" She shook her head, trying hard to not blush any harder. Caught in the act... she had spent some nights with the commander, but only because she wanted to go over schematics, maps, and the day's reports. She never really thought about how that might be eventually taken. "Ah. Here we are."

 

He began to hand the quill to her. "I'm not getting involved in this..."

 

Dorian quirked an eyebrow. "Either you leave the lovely note, or I will. And believe me Rosemund, I will not be so subtle in my advances."

 

Swallowing hard, she grabbed the quill. Grabbing a nearby ink bottle and a few pieces of parchment. That's when the door clicked. "Shit- running quickly passed Dorian.

 

But he was quick, pulling back on the door handle to the battlements, "don't be like that. I for one do not want to be anywhere near the bloody Templar."

 

"Ex-Templar."

 

"Same difference. Now let go of the door."

 

*Key's drop* "Maker's breath"

 

"Quickly." She let go of the door. Dorian crashing into her as the door slammed shut.

 

"Who's there?"

 

Both on their feet. "Mum's the word!" Both whispering before heading through the two doors to the Herald's rest as quickly as the gods would allow them.

 

* * *

 

 

"That was your plan? To go for a walk and to invade the commanders private quarters?"

 

"Well, it got the blood flowing didn't it?"

 

"Now is not the time for jokes Pavis!" Dorian fell in a heap to the ground. Wheezing slightly as laughs broke out of him. It was kind of funny. Running like a schoolgirl away from her crush. "Okay. It was a little funny."

 

"See. I knew there were some fun part in their. You're so stiff half the time, I mistake you for the commander."

 

She stuck out her tongue as she fell into a chair. Ignoring Cole's glances, eyes focusing on the parchment. "I will take that as a compliment... now. How do I go about... being a secret admirer." She said the last part of her words as silent as she could manage. She had never done anything like this before. Crushes were just that, crushes. Small things that didn't mean much. Besides, it was the first real time that she ever wanted anyone more than... just a friend.

 

"You're not being serious are you?" She tried to smile but faltered. Becoming slightly embarrassed. He got up from the floor, dusting his hands on his breeches. "Here. First, start with the basics. 'I like you. You know me but I am, far too shy to speak face to face. I do not know how you feel. But meet me in the under library three days from today. Bring a flower of your choice. If you are interested that is. - Your secret admirer.' That is the basics of it. That is what I would say to start the conversation. But the thing is, that I am not you. You need to say how you feel freely. Keep it short and to the point. Let it come from the heart."

 

"Let it come from the heart. Right."

 

"Oh and dinners in an hour, so I would hurry things along." Anna nodded. Thinking over her thoughts carefully.

 

* * *

 

 

Annabeth snuck out of bed early the next morning. Nerves getting the best of her, but she wanted to finish her goal. Taking a quick peek out on the training grounds, she could see no commander. Good. She had double checked yesterday with one of his lieutenants to see that he had an early meeting with Leliana until ten. Which gave her four hours. 'Alright, you've got this. Just get passed Solas and you're in the clear.'

 

"Going somewhere, Inquisitor?" She turned on her heel to see the Apostate leaning over his desk. Eyes never meeting her's. "It is quite early for you to be up at such an hour. Is the Fade giving you a hard time with your sleep again?"

 

She nodded. Keeping her feet grounded. Nothing was going to come in the way of her mission. "I just needed some fresh air. It get's kind of stuffy in my room. Even with the open windows."

 

"Yes. Skyhold has a tendency to not let air in. Sometimes it can be a bad thing. Rest assured I will not mention a word to the others. Though I would feel better if you came and talked to me about your dreams. They seem to be getting increasingly worse over the months."

 

She made a promise to make room for a talk later in the day. Taking off and gently passing through the door. Biting her lip as she came closer and closer to the commander's door. Opening it slow, thankfully it was left unlocked. Quickly stepping in, she looked around for a good place to hide the note. Somewhere Cullen would find it eventually or maybe not at all. Finding an old worn out book that looked to be hardly read at all. Taking one last glance over the note to make sure it was exactly how she wanted it.

 

_"Commander Cullen. I know how you feel about being asked and courted like you're some piece of meat._

_But I wanted to simply say that I have grown fond of you over these last few months._

_I know you may not feel the same way, but I thought I would at least let you know that you are something_

_rather important to me. If you are interested in knowing who I am or even wanting to leave a note in_

_return, feel free to leave any inquiry somewhere in the under library._

 

_\- Your secret admirer."_

 

Anna made sure to make it as far from her handwriting as possible. Slipping it in carefully she placed the book back in its position on his desk. Quickly scurrying out of their before her luck ran out.

 

* * *

 

It had been etching at the back of her mind all day to check to see if the commander left a response. But she made sure to wait until skyhold was quiet before deciding to do such a bold thing. Making sure that she was quiet, she slipped carefully into the door to the left of Josephine's office, down the stairs and through the door to the far right. Careful to look around and be as quiet as a mouse as to not get caught or seen by anyone. _Alright, Anna, you can do this, it's just a silly little thing. No harm no foul right?_ Her hands were shaking but she demanded them to remain under control as her hand reached for the knob. Slipping into the room with a quiet sigh before coming to a stop facing the door, trying her hardest to keep calm. _It's just a piece of paper with a yes or no on it. No harm done right?_  

 

"I am surprised to see you and yet I am not." The voice held a chuckle as she froze in place. Turning to see that the voice did, in fact, belong to Varric. A look of relief flooded her and her back leaned against the door. "You look like you are pleased to not see curly. This is what it's about right?" That caught her attention, making her catch her breath. His hand held out the book that more than likely held the note. "Nightingale's agents caught wind of the book once it had been returned to the library. You can thank Sparkler for that one. They... suspected it was a trap so they sent little ole me to catch them in the act, to save our dear commander. And to see my surprise that it is you "

 

"I think - clearing of her throat - I think we should discuss this some other time. It's- It's late and I'm a little - stretching for emphasis - tired. So..." Her hand reached for the knob, backpedaling slowly. "Just between you and me..."

 

"Oh, this is good. Ain't gonna let you talk your way out of this one Anniepoo." Annabeth's fate was sealed. Sera would never let this go...

 

Anna bowed her head in shame, darting past Sera and up the set of stairs. Quickly running up and off to her room.

 

The inner circle would not let this go for a long time and Annabeth knew this. She just hoped that they would keep this to themselves and not let it slip to the advisors... She would make a plan to kill Dorian at a later date. Or better yet, simply dig up some dirt that she can use to her advantage.


	2. Sunsets and secret kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen convinces Annabeth to go for a walk. Then is pulled into a surprise she never saw coming. Kisses and an attempt at fluff.
> 
> Gets a little critical at the end, meaning just saying that both parties are equally screwed up but deserve love anyways. So yeah.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> \----
> 
> This was looked over a few times, but I am kind of tired so their might be mistakes. Let me know. I'll try to properly edit it when I can.

"So I'm going to take it that you're not going to tell me where we're going?" Annabeth giggled as she felt Cullen's hands over her eyes tickle her skin. She was feeling in a playful mood, but even this takes the cake for her.

 

"Hang on. Give me a moment. We're almost there."

 

"Almost where?"

 

"Annabeth!"

 

She couldn't help the giggles leaving her as she could tell he was trying his hardest to keep her from tripping and falling. "Alright Rutherford, just make sure we don't die before we reach our destination."

 

They came to a stop near rushing water. Cullen moved his hands from her eyes, "keep them closed. Almost ready."

 

"Really curly, this is too much. You know how I don't like waiting for surprises." His chuckle vibrated through her body as his free hand gently grabbed hers leading her until her bare feet met soft cloth.

 

"Humor me Anna." Her tongue stuck out. He squeezed her hand for her to open her eyes. "Here. A nice afternoon away. No inquisition, no templars or soldiers to direct, just you and me..."

 

"And a river." Squeaking broke out on the other side of the large bank. Two pink heads popped out before running off. "And nugs." His hand reached behind his thankfully none armored neck but Annabeth reached for his hand and gently shoved him back. "All this for me? For a chantry boy, you sure know how to treat a girl."

 

He laughed at that, turning to face the now setting sun. "You're not just some girl Anna."

 

"I know. I'm a pain in the ass who just happens to be a girl."

 

He turned to reach for her, hands finding hers. Ember eyes locking with her fiery magenta ones. "I'm serious."

 

"Oh look at you. 'Big ole knight captain' trying to flatter the Commander. You're so full of it Cullen." He looked away at the title but she quickly leaned down to pull him down to sit with her. "Oh come now. I'm joking."

 

"Easy now. I don't want to get the cakes wet." She sat back up at the words. It only made him laugh more. "I knew that would get your attention."

 

"Cakes. A soft blanket near a small stream. Sunset just in the background and we're also far off and away from camp. Is this a date Rutherford?" His eyes widened at such a thing, of course this was a date. How did he not see how this would be taken? Her hands ran through her hair, "I'm not even half decent to go on a date dressed like this." She gestured to herself. She was still wearing her armor, minus the boots. "You said you wanted to have a chat... not a date."

 

His head shook as his hand rested on his neck. "I really didn't think this through did I?"

 

Anna chuckled and laid her hand over his left hand. "Nonsense Rutherford. If anything I'm glad for the moment of peace away from those vultures." She shot him a full warm smile. "This is us I suppose. Unplanned and complicated."

 

"I suppose it is." Left hand locking with hers. His voice low and even,"I may never get this chance again..."

 

Annabeth gave off a shy smile. Eyeing him cautiously. She let out a giggle and tried to turn away, wanting nothing but to reach out and kiss him but thought it best to not ruin the moment. He on the other hand had an ounce of courage and went for the woman he thought slipped between his fingers all those years ago... his lips were gentle against her's, slow at first then all at once. She froze in place but just as easily melted into the warmth of the kiss. The familiarness of him against her was sending warmth within her. Stomach doing flips and a wanting, she never realized was their, stirred. She knew that she never wanted to let this man go ever again... Maker or the gods be damned.

 

Cullen went to pull away but Annabeth's grip was at a much greater advantage. Pulling him back while she slowly laid down flat. Him crawling on top of her and never breaking the kiss. "To the heavens, how I've missed this with you my lion."

 

His smirk raised up the scar on his lip, a light in his eyes she was glad to see had returned after the years apart. "As am I my fire cracker." She brought her lips to his once more before rolling out from underneath him to start undressing. Fiddling with the straps of her chest plate, he watched on curiously. Her hands beginning to shake, cursing under her breath. She was nervous. More nervous than she needed to be.

 

"Here let me." Within a few moments she was stripped bare of all armor and proceeded to strip down into her small clothes.

 

Cullen pausing in place, blushing brightly as she stood almost bare in front of him, minus her left arm. He couldn't help the smile that reached both eyes. Annabeth slowly walked over to him, hands slipping into his breeches to free the shirt from its hold and tossed it somewhere nearby. His eyes watching her curiously as she reached for the ties of said breeches once more. "What. You didn't expect to bring me to a bed of water and not expect me to go swimming now did you?"

 

He shook his head, tossing the breeches away and running after her. "You won't win that easily Dragon."

 

"Oh do I beg to differ Lion."

 

This would continue to go on until the sun completely set beyond the horizon and the two of them collapsed near a small fire Annabeth conjured up. Nibbling at the small cakes and sandwiches before they both laid together under a blanket. "You know they'll come searching. Wondering where their commander has gone and that strapping soldier who was mean to be on watch tonight."

 

His hands wandered up and down her back in circles. Cullen didn't much care, even if his little plan did go better than he had thought it would. "I traded out with one of your men, gave them a bribe they couldn't ignore. You'd be surprised how coin really does change a Dwarfs mind."

 

"Let me guess. Ricky right? Remind me to have him on stable duty for the next month once we return to skyhold."

 

Another deep chuckle vibrated through the both of them. Annabeth sighed quietly and ran her fingers through his chest hair. "You don't regret this right? Being alone with me... being alone with a mage?"

 

Cullen moved so he could look into her eyes. Taking a moment to etch her face into memory. Each little scar, freckle and shadow that made her face so lovely to look at. Like a painting that changed if you stopped paying attention closely. "I can say now that I do not regret what I felt for you back in Kirkwall as I used to. I would like to say that I am not the man I once was but I am still working on past endeavors and mistakes that I will always try to work towards fixing. I may still be working on becoming a better man, and the Inquisition is helping me to atone for the past, but in all seriousness, it is you that it is up to whether or not I am the one that deserves to be alone with you let alone in your presence."

 

Even after everything, every belittling thing, every disregard for mage's safety, every ounce of looking in the other direction and letting Meredith have full control and power, Annabeth could see that he had most definitely changed for the better, though he still had a long way to go. He is a good man with many mistakes and much blood on his hands, but then again, so did she. She shouldn't care and yet she does. She shouldn't forgive him and yet she did. She truly began to believe that the man she once called friend, once called lover, could be staring her right in the face for the first time in many many years. No matter what anyone said, for his mistakes were many, she knew he still had light in him. For if someone like her, who has done many a bad and unforgivable deeds in the name of her people, if she can be forgiven and respected for past mistakes, then dammit he should be too at some points.

 

"Annabeth."

 

Her eyes focused back onto him as his hand cupped her cheek. Eye's focused on her. "Cullen." Her lips met his forehead as her fingers ran through the wild curls that sat across his brow. His breathing began to even out as she pulled the blanket tighter around the both of them.

 

Two broken souls, mended together to make one perfect mess. And although they both equally have many mistakes, Annabeth couldn't ask for a better soulmate. And Cullen couldn't ask for a better best friend.


	3. Take my hand, I got you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castrel has a moment of weakness when the withdrawal gets worse and her love, Cullen, isn't their to comfort her and help her through it. Taking matters into her own hands. (Cullen is mentioned but it not in this fic)
> 
> Dear friend Josie comes along and helps Castrel see that the demons words are lies and that no matter what, she is never alone.
> 
> I wanted a nice 'Josephine is a kind soul' piece of writing. So I wrote something up to make the sad not hurt so much.
> 
> \----  
> Working with other oc's of mine and different attempts at things I want to improve on, writing wise. Angst with a happy ending. Enjoy. :)

Castrel could feel the pull of exhaustion at the back of her eyes, but she couldn't pull herself away from the map in the war room. She had been staring at the damn thing since before dinner and didn't feel any closer to an answer than she did hours before. Her stomach growled in protest but she ignored it in kind. She was the Inquisitor dammit, food could wait until she had a solution. No matter how long it took. She went to reach for another piece of parchment paper to write herself a note to remind herself to go over the map in the morning, but her hands wouldn't stop shaking. Her head was pounding too, not this again. Her breathing felt short and everything started spinning. She dug her fingers into the table to ground herself. Nausea came next, though she hadn't eaten anything she could feel her body wanting to wretch whatever it was up and out of her body.

 

She didn't know how she got to her room but she was their, her shirt and chest plate thrown off somewhere that didn't matter; the windows were tossed open and her body shook against the sudden mix of heat and coldness. Mouth dry as she collected her thoughts. The lyrium withdrawal were bad, but sometimes they got worse out of nowhere. She had been off of the bloody stuff for four years, but it still took its toll on her mind and body. Normally she would reach out to Cullen for a distraction of some sorts, a talk, going for a walk, a slow and steady game of chess. But he unfortunately wouldn't be back for a few days she couldn't get her emotions or mind under control.

 

Her calloused fingers fiddled around with the side of the bed as they searched in the almost pitch blackness for their target. A small box with what she was looking for, something she used on occasion and thankfully not as often as she used to. Pulling it open, she fiddled with the lyrium between her fingers. Trying to control her ragged breathing. She began dry heaving until she was collapsed on the ground. Just holding the stuff usually works to calm her down a bit, to have it so close and yet not be able to access it. To keep the want at bay. But it had gotten worse throughout the day slowly. The pounding in her head became deafening, causing her fingers to lose grip of the small bottle and let it fall to the floor hard. Her back was to the opposite side of the bed now, small box returned to its place in her lap. Her hands continued to shake as the pain continued to spread through her, searing her lungs and making it seem almost impossible to breath. Her fingers played with some cloth at the bottom of the small thing, unraveling it slowly and with care. Closing her eyes to take swallows of breaths.

 

Her thoughts were all over the place, but she tried to keep focused on one thing. Cullen and what he might say in this sort of situation. Nothing concrete came to mind. _Breath dammit... breath..._

 

After a few moments of silence she brought herself to her feet. Wobbling slowly until her hands met the far off wall. The box clutched tight to her chest as she made her way through the door to and up the ladder. She needed to get herself together, but her mind still lingered on the cloth and its contents. The very thought of it filling her with relief regret. Once she reached the top rung of the ladder, she collapsed a few feet away. Hidden by a few chairs and a couple of paintings, so that way she was hidden and no one could see the mess she was trying not to make.

 

Castrel's breathing had eventually evened out, but her hands still shook almost violently. She repeated the chant aloud as her thoughts became more and more dark in the passing moments. _Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the maker be my guide.._. Her voice was scratchy and hoarse but she needed him most at a moment of weakness. _I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the beyond..._ Tears began to fall as her fingers finally felt for their prize in the cloth. Unwrapping the final layer until a gorgeous and sharp knife rested between two fingers. _For their is no darkness in the maker's light and nothing that he has wrought shall be lost..._

 

It was cold and smooth against her war worn hand. The tears fell faster as she silently wept, positioning the knife to have better access at her chosen location. _Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the maker be my guide..._ It burns at first as the air hits the wounds, but a slight smile is brought to her lips. Hot tears continue to fall, her body trembling as she goes for a second, deeper attempt. She chokes on the air trying to come into her now burning lungs, she tries to continue to repeat the chant but it's clear that the maker isn't listening. He never listens to her prayers. Not since she realized she was a mistake in his eyes. She kept going, trying to go deeper and deeper but her hands were shaking so bad as the blood began to pool on her arm that eventually she just grazed it against her abdomen every once in awhile. Drawing light lines into her bronzed skin.

 

 _Though all before me is shadow..._ She let go. Weeping hard until her throat could no longer make a sound feeling the blood fall down her arm and lower body. She wept so hard that her hand finally let go of the knife with a loud thud. Her free hand finding its way to her face as she fell into her own embrace. She just wanted the pain to stop, the hurt to be released. It slowly was but not the way that she wanted it to. She doesn't want to be weak, she doesn't want to rely on old habits. But she did because she felt weak, she felt as if she could never be good again. That the maker wanted nothing to do with her as her parents said throughout her life.

 

Hours passed as her body continued to slightly shake. Every once in awhile she let out a quiet whimper or a tiny gasp for air. Numbingly she stared up at the ceiling blankly and gripped a clean rag to her arm as best she could. Her wounds were still bleeding but she didn't pay much mind to it. Let her body bleed out. Let them know that their Herald was weak. That her demons were much too strong.

 

Her thoughts continued to plague her, muting out the world. She wanted nothing but Cullen to be here, to chase the demons away, to tell her everything would be alright. But she knew better than to rely on him. Why he even put up with her was a question that constantly ran through her mind.

* * *

 

"Inquisitor Trevelyan... ah I was hoping to find you here." Worry was laced in Josephine's words as she slowly approached the desk. Cas didn't look up from the papers in front of her, she was busy with work and doing everything in her power to avoid using her left arm more than she needed to and to keep to herself. "We didn't see you at the morning meeting or the afternoon one. Infact, you sent a confidant in your place. Although we appreciate the courtesy, it does seem troubling when no one has seen you or heard from you for most of the day."

 

Castrel set the quill down gently, dropping it with a flick of two fingers. Her hands slowly coming together to clasp in front of her. "I did not mean to worry any of you. I'm... Well I'm just not feeling like myself today." She lowered her gaze, feeling a slight shake return to her hands. Swearing under her breath before balling her hands into fists.

 

Josephine approached her carefully, reaching for her shoulder gently. "I know it isn't my place, but the commander was worried when he had come to see you this morning and you weren't here. In fact, it feels like it is the thousandth time any of us have checked your quarters to see if you were here at all." With a slight sigh she ruffled through the few loose strands of hair above her own brow. "I tried to keep the others calm, knowing when one needs some time alone, but even now I can see their is a cause for concern." Cas followed Josephine's gaze to her left arm, fresh blood began to bleed through the bandage and onto her sleeve.

 

Castrel swallowed hard, her hands shaking slightly more visible now. A hand came to rest on Castrel's left hand, squeezing gently. "What you must think of me..." Her voice was low and quiet, a tint of sadness woven into the edges of her words. She made an attempt to brush Josephine away as she came to an abrupt stance, shaking her head and trying to gather herself. Clearing her throat, she moved to the top of the stairs. "Just needed some air." Castrel stopped to turn her gaze outside of the window, watching the sun set once more in the far off distance.

 

"Does Cullen..."

 

Castrel shook her head, "no and I don't intend on him knowing anytime soon." She turned on her heel, coming a few feet closer to Josephine. "It was a temptation I fell for, a moment of weakness that will never happen again. No matter how badly the pain gets next time," her feet began to pace, she felt anger rise up in her, anger for herself more than anything, "I am the Inquisitor, I cannot be weak. I cannot be seen as broken in the eyes of all who watch. I must be strong, even though everything hurts. I must be the one to defy pain and temptation of man, and yet I falter every time the pain comes back." She turned to Josephine who now watched on with wide eyes. "I am the Herald of Andraste. I do not deserve peace or kindness if I am weak. I cannot afford weakness... not when everything I carry digs into me a little bit more each day and everyone relies on me to be strong." She shifted on her feet, fingers running through her hair. Her own rage was running low and the tears were beginning to sting. "If Cullen knew... if he knew of this weakness," She pulled up the sleeve, showing off the blood that was slowly falling down her wrist, "as you now know, he would think me a coward who didn't deserve such kindness. I deserve nothing for I am nothing. I am nothing to the Inquisition if I am weak." Castrel reached for her arm, bringing it to her chest tightly. Wanting nothing more than to become small. Unnoticed. Ignored. Instead, she was yelling at the one person who was here in the room with her. She fell to her knees, weeping quietly now. "What you must think of me..." Is all she repeated.

 

"Lady Trevelyan..." Josephine's words were soft and broken. To see your friend who appears so strong at all times, have moments of weaknesses that just break your heart, it left her wanting to hold Castrel and never let her go.

 

They sat their in silence as Josephine finally knelt down and pulled Castrel into an embrace. "I think you are very brave Castrel. One of the bravest and noblest people I have come to enjoy calling friend." Feeling Castrel's sobs turn into quiet sniffles as her fingers gently ran through Castrel's hair. "You are not alone my friend. And you are not weak. It takes a strong will to go on for so long on just steam alone. It's not weakness to break down every now and again, it is not a weakness to ask for help or a shoulder to cry on. It is strength in the purest form and I wish you only peace." Her voice was even and calm, slowly she pulled Castrel to meet her gaze. "I pray the Maker eases the battle with your demons, that you find peace and comfort when you need it most. But please, come to me, or at least someone, so you know that you are never alone when things feel like too much." Castrel nodded as Josephine came back to her feet. Her hand extended down to her dear friend. "Take my hand, I've got you. Let's go get those wounds looked at and get a much needed meal in that belly of yours."

 

"I'd like that." And with silence remaining between them, they headed down the stairs. Castrel feeling a little less alone in the world and Josephine hopeful of her dear friend's future endeavors.

 

 


End file.
